Russell Grant Rodaway

Russell grant rodaway.
Taken suddenly on the 1st of january 2003, aged just 36.

Russ was born on the 31st of march and often joked that he should of been born on the 1st of april..april falls day, because thats the sort of person he was.

Russ was a special baby as when he was born he had to be revived, i think thats where he got his 'me against the world' attitude from. You see, the angels didnt want to take him straight away..they wanted to give him a chance at life... he had an important job..and that was to bring two beautiful boys in to this world.

I was with russ for 4 years and we had two sons together, josh and spencer..whom both i might add are the spitting image of their father..and its hard seeing him in them every day.

Me and russ did everything together, we had good and bad times, and eventually we split up.. i didnt want to because i loved him but i had to for reasons that i dont want to go into..and they dont matter anymore.
we'd parted for a while when i got that terrible, terrible knock at the door.
I will always remember that evening when the police knocked at my door, i just had no idea what had happened. I remember them telling me that you had been hit by a car and killed. I just remember feeling sick and faint like i was in a dream..couldnt believe someone i had spent four years with could just be gone like that, let alone how i would break it to my precious boys.

Aparantly you had been to a new years eve party but couldnt get a taxi home so you had to walk along a dual carridgeway, it was pouring with rain. It was too dark for the driver to see you and to late when she hit you, you died instantly..36 years of life gone within a blink of an eye..the angels had come back for you again..to ease your suffering because you was a tortured soul,It was your time to have peace, and serenity..you had demons that you carried through your whole life and you told me about them.. i tried to help you but just couldnt.. you couldnt stop drinking.


I remember the day of your funeral..it was held at kettering crematorium, you were cremated. I remember that day so well. I had to travel up from tunbridge wells, and it was so so cold that day because snow lay all around and i remember thinking..you will never see the snow again.. you will never see this beautifull sight ..how that hurt, how anything could be beautiful on such a sad day.
When i got there i remember seeing your coffin arrive and then it hit home that you were really gone. I remember seeing your mum and pete and your sister fran whom you loved dearly and spoke so highly of.. i knew you to were very close.
Most of your funeral was a blur, it was so cold in that crematorium. They played john lennons 'imagine' as your song as your coffin went through the curtains and that was it. gone.
I never got to say goodbye to you ,if i got the chance i would of said how much i had loved you, how i was sorry i couldnt help you with your problems, how i was glad you got to see the birth of your two sons.The boys didnt get a chance either. Spencer remembers bits about you but josh was to young. What i do know is that you loved them dearly, but you just had problems..such a waste.
You'd be so proud of them, spencer will be 9 next month and he is growing into a fine lad. Josh is doing so well too, the teachers say he is a lovely boy and like having him around.
I also have a precious daughter too now. I have moved on but it still hurts.
The winter time is the worst, im not so bad now but when it gets bleak and it snows outside, thats when i remember the funeral..i can never get warm. that day was the coldest ive ever felt in my life.

Im doing this for me and the boys. So they can come here when they want to express their feelings about it and just so they can read through in the hope that they can somehow feel closer to the father they missed out on. I hope friends and family can add to this so his boys can know what he was like in childhood, and the stuff i cant add to.
Anyway, god bless, i hope you are at peace and looking out for josh and spencer where ever you are xxx